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After Being born again
Amniotic
and then they are green
Isolation
Old electrical currents
When my eyes turn brown
My Blog

Friday, 7 December 2007


I'm going to staple this to my exam for marschak's class

Life is too short to waste time with a science that today is full of so many holes in its theories that it is no better or worse than any other religion or spiritual belief in providing evidence of is truth.

Yes, arguably all sciences even those that are much more close to home and around us such as political science have holes and are composed of untested or minimal tested theories..but unlike astronomy those sciences are OUR sciences, they reflect what is going on within our realm, ourselves, and reflect things that WE have power to alter...arguably again their are things within the realm of space that we can alter...but.

However, on the notion of finding a new planet...I'm not interested in finding a new planet because it will only speed up the rate in which we abandon this one, then destroy and abandon the new one. This can easily be compared with the analogy of giving a child/teenager a new car. The car that they are currently driving suddenly becomes uglier, they notice every flaw and imperfection, and that same car that could have lasted many more years is suddenly considered to live only a couple years or a couple months and it is treated as such.

As for the notion of life, I'm not interested in finding new life either. Most likely, we will make it our pet, our slave, our fur coat, our dinner, our lab rat, or even worse it will do all of the above to us. We ALREADY cannot EVEN cope with people of different cultures and RACES and consider them alien, COULD you imagine another species with our capabilities or those beyond ours, but most importantly communication. If life exists, it will show up when it does and they could as well already be here studying us, or they already did study us, and were freaked out.

As for the notion of our main source of energy the sun, I don't care about studying the sun and its life, because we have no control over such things and if it is going to go out it is going to go out, if its going to expand and destroy us, it's going to expand and destroy us.

On that note, it is not that i don't care about space, our planet, and our solar system, galaxy etc etc etc...The fact that i CARE about OUR lives, and our own planet, is why I DON'T CARE ABOUT astronomy.

Astronomy is the study of heaven, it is where we wish to go, where we were before here and what is beyond us. Personally, right now, in the world of today, we need to be right here.

If you care about our planet, then study it, and figure out how to keep it alive and well instead of dreaming of leaving us behind in some ship so that we can feel the wrath of your god, which is either a black hole, a sun, a quasar, dark energy or dark matter.

In conclusion, old men should study astronomy, since they have all the time in the world and their future lies beyond this world, where as we are still here, and have many years left here, so we should study the sciences of the world that reflect the planet on which we live, and the people on which we live with. If studying a science at all is your thing.

This is why Astronomy is a waste of my time, and waste of my hours, a waste of my A in your class, and waste of my transfer credit. Essentially it has been a waste of my life, and a waste of the space in my brain even trying to hold this information up there to waste time on it's tests.

In all honesty, i know what i speak of is complete ignorance, and I'm being inconsiderate to a respected field of study and those who study it. There are many counter arguments to the point i brought up, i already could post up another note going FUCK YOU SEAN AND YOUR BELIEFS, AND WHY YOUR A WASTE OF TIME..but i'll leave that to someone else. I am just frustrated with the time and energy that is spent on UNPROVABLE THEORIES, and things that we have NO CONTROL or say over. I can understand studying the moon, and those planets we can reach, maybe studying planets that are going through similar patterns as our own to figure out how to save this one, etc.
But for the most part..Quasars..black holes, other galaxies that we can only see as a pinprint in the sky...wtf? Are you serious, why not just study the different colours in a grain of salt and sand and call that astronomy...


Posted by insidethesun13 at 3:57 AM EST

An honest revelation under the influence of coffee


When i was a boy, sex was measured in godlike proportions, so much so that rushing off to get my virginity taken from me was mandatory. Daily i was faced with the constant reminder that everyone was having sex. Pornography only made me frustrated because it showed that even sleazy old fat and ugly guys were having sex with super models. It was Sex, Sex, SEX. And that was what occupied a big part of my thoughts.


Now as a man, the act of sex within itself has become a dying habit left over from the primitive ages. A procedure for boredom, lust or greed, easily abused, addictive and rarely used for love.


Evidently i can easily say that it is nothing worth panting, worshiping and being horny over. The media on the other hand says otherwise, and that is simply driven by the importance of one, big, word, Reproduction. Which of course is an obvious fact, seeing how that when it comes down to it, the original intention of sexual organs is reproduction.


However, we can stray into the field of pleasure, and state the all too famous fact that "humans and dolphins are the only two species that have sex for pleasure." However, i question the strength of such a claim standing strong today after all those videos of monkeys in trees masturbating and the all too scientific fact that a pigs orgasm last for hours? Then again, maybe such an extended orgasm is painful.


As far as pleasure goes, yeah great, its pleasureful, but so is shooting up heroin. I wouldn't know, but seeing as how people will lose everything for the drug, there must be something there. Anyways, point is, yeah, many things are pleasureful in life, but that aint a reason to keep ones penis in a permanent cycle of sex and masturbation or if your a female, you know..Anyways, there has to be more to it than the pleasure, and the reproduction, right?


This is where it gets tricky. The beauty of sex, in my eyes, is that it is the closest we get to putting ourselves back together, it is the one time, where we SHUT THE FUCK UP (minus the moaning, dirty language and all that other weird stuff..heavy breathing, grunting..anyways...arguab
ly)


Point is, this is the time our bodies converse, this is the physical language, and it is the nirvana of conversation between two individuals and it gets better and better with practice, and synchronized orgasms etc etc. You are climbing mount everest together, pushing eachothers buttons, entering those limits, Dying and being reborn in the other persons arms..yeah, that is called love..that aint sex, that aint fucking, that aint "BITCH I TORE THAT SHIT UP..." na...this isn't a matter of "daddy i've been a bad girl and i need a spanking"...and quite frankly..looking at that typed out, thats kind of scary...daddy? you want to call me daddy? Fuck, freud was right...you are putting your fathers image up to me.

Cliches and freudian philosophy aside, there are things about making love that really challenge the level of commitment in a relationship. It is the dividing factor between a partner and a best friend. Relationships have multiple levels, each of which plays a big role in determining what kind of relationship is in existence between the individuals. Now there is this certain bond that two brothers or sisters, (Akin: blood or allied by nature), can achieve that far exceeds almost all relationships. But then there is still that level of space that is left, and that is where their physical relationship/conversation doesn't reach the top of the pyramid whereas everything else has. In other words, if you ever want a relationship that will last forever, find someone of the opposite sex, or the same sex (if thats your thing) and reach the top of all levels, spread out though, one at a time, become best friends, and then lovers. This is a rarity, almost a Utopian belief, but it does exist.


In conclusion, herein i have defined the different types of intercourse, different reasons as to why it may take place, or one might dream of it happening/fantasize//////.
"Slash dot, Dash dot, slash dot, dash dot, slash dot,dash dot, dot com." Not to mention, the fact that, a lot of people need to just chill out. The women don't want you to, this is their main income of power, take that away, and their on finical aid. The men just simply can't, and its the curse of this damn third leg.


I apologize, this is probably by far the dirtiest open and honest passage i have written, but maybe one day it will serve mankind a great purpose. And all honesty, if we can address things like this, i think it would cut out a lot of bullshit that goes on, not to mention help cut down on rape, sexism, and help us to stop wasting money, energy, law enforcement and other things.


Posted by insidethesun13 at 3:55 AM EST


Now Playing: on prostitution

I believe that prostitution should be legalized. This is not a matter of my own my penis, It is not a super horny comment, nor is it a self-interest. It is in all actuality a concern for the well-being of humanity.

In Thailand, Prostitutes are looked up to, and regarded with as much respect/awe as a Doctor, Lawyer or any other high paid profession in our own country. There is no shame, and anyone who is related to a prostitute in that country is proud to have that woman as their daughter, sister or mother. They are the "bacon bringers" in the family unit, the main supporters. They are the ticket out of the harsh living conditions that their families may live in.

Second, it is a proven fact that these kind of things become worse when they are illegal. When abortion was taken to the streets, the conditions and practices were harsher and became deadly, many women died using a coat hanger and other crude tools to do the process themselves or by unlicensed doctors. With prostitution being illegal, we only see the down and dirty side of it. There is no regulation or inspection for sexual diseases. Not to mention the women aren't respected, they are mistreated and they are rely on some crack dealing/pimp to protect them. Also as pointed out by wade, another down and dirty side of prostitution is human trafficking.

By making prostitution legal, there would be more of acceptance and understanding for the labor this job entails. Not to mention, the protection for the women would come from our own government and a new set of laws that would be enacted once it became a legal practice. Furthermore, women could even have than have agents and protection, it could become a full fledged business and help boost our economy.

You may find this immoral. But i believe it ciphers a lot of bullshit that is already taking place in prude environments that turn their back on prostitution but accept gold digging, which in reality is a fancy term for prostitution. Some people are happy serving and pleasing others, why not give them the honor by legalizing their practice, so that they can have benefits, respect, understanding and maybe even a union.

It also would be a beneficial to men to make prostitution legal, rich old men then could understand and spot right away that the woman's main interest was in his money. This would help him to judge and weigh the relationship, there would be less deception in the relationship and you might come to find that men and women would actually be happier with this fog removed.

Regardless of whether or not we wish to make it legal or illegal it will exist. As stated earlier, literal prostitution already does exist within our country illegally and is under harsh conditions. Also as mentioned, indirect prostitution is already in existence in this country too. Any woman today that is with a man based solely on his wealth, is a prostitute. She may grow to love this man for more, or she may stay for the money and become even more of a whore.

If not for any other reason, why not capitalize on the opportunity and business of legalized prostitution. Most importantly, why not help protect human rights, men and women, by making this practice legal, understood and respected. You don't have to believe it is moral or right to understand and respect it, we can agree that not everyone agrees in the practice that lawyers partake in, but we can easily agree that it is respected.


Posted by insidethesun13 at 3:54 AM EST

Sunday, 2 December 2007


From Feb 3rd-May 1st=Cambridge, England. An intermission of 4 days and 5 nights of Ireland on April 9 to the 13th, as well as a spring break from march 14th-march 23rd in between. Then my summer will be in Malaysia, windsurfing, tanning, sleeping, reading, and writing.

I am looking at a seven to eight month break from Santa Barbara, California and the United States. Which means that when i come back i shall be pumped to spend one more year here before departing to Northern California (UC Berkley), or diving deeper into Southern California (UCLA).

While in Cambridge, i will have my laptop and will be actively online. While in Malaysia, it is my goal to limit my use of internet and email checking to once a month or at most once every two weeks. I am not going to have my phone on me, despite others wishes. I hope to free myself of the mechanical leash.

This is all too necessary, and hopefully i can focus myself and pump out one good book so i have a steady income for college. Or at least get some heads turning in my direction.

Lets hang out this winter break if you are in town Dukes of UC's and Elsewhere, as for other peasa


Posted by insidethesun13 at 7:57 PM EST


I have come to the realization, that the fascination with overly skinny women is a closet homosexual portrait of a perfect women. It is a fascination of the males body type on a females, with the addition of boobs and the removal of the penis. This is controversial, and dangerous, but hear me out.

First of all, i am not saying that skinny, healthy fit women are objects of fascination for men that desire other men, but cheat by fulfilling those desires in manly females. I am stating that overly skinny, anorexic women, with no curves, and six packs are desires of a homosexual male. As are women with shaved heads, and Govenator Buffness.

It is unfair to interpret this passage to say that over weight women are a good thing. Obesity and the type of diabetes that comes with it (not the kind that is genetically acquired) do not need anymore promotion, especially in this country, and i will not be the one to promote it. However, suffice to say, women with curves are healthy, and it is a proven fact and women who are whales or women who are Nicole ricci are unhealthy.

Females are naturally curved creatures, and are naturally meant to contain more body fat ratio than males. This of course is part of their birthing characteristics, which also includes wider hips.

I understand the argument, that in a great variety of species most males are meant to be dominant in size, as in larger than females. However, it is a misconception to believe that this larger characteristic means that females are supposed to be skinny, breakable creatures. It is a misconception, to use the concept of men being larger than females as an excuse for men to be plumpus lards.

Therefore, it is more proper for women to be curved, not to be confused with obese, because that isn't a natural characteristic for any species except those that require blubber and excess body fat to survive harsh winters. Therefore, it is important to understand the difference between curves, plump, soft and fat.

To wrap this up, i wish to conclude that the definition of a healthy women must be understood by all, and that is simply what i am promoting here. The homosexual projection segment is for satirical humerus purposes. It is meant to make you take a step back in awe, and to play with your normally accepted conceptions of the world and health.


Posted by insidethesun13 at 7:56 PM EST


If you could understand the ways in which i speak the language
to this day:
tag limit reached, if i didn't tag you, doesn't mean i don't love you

"If you compare yourself to others, you ma become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself"-Unknown mediation that hangs beside my computer.

One must appreciate the blessing of having mountains and beaches in their own backyard. I who have contemplated the work of redressing a falling country but have thought strongly of the quick and easy solution of flight often forget this. I have a love hate relationship with everything on this planet, and this is all too natural. What is horrid and cynical is when i forget my love and only remember thy hate. I am going to travel the world, but to California I shall return, i wish to be a part of this process in any way that i can of keeping our country alive.

The bullshit notion, as practiced by those who blow with the wind in terms of supporting the winning team in sports, is one practiced by those who wish to be blind to failure. This adulterous act, of sleeping with another country because my own is having stability issues is cowardice and scary. Therefore, i wish to spend these last couple months enjoying, appreciating and living in Santa Barbara's Beauty.

That way i can return, and enjoy my last year here before my departure farther north or farther south. The future is beautiful and seductive, but what is most important right now is the journey, because once i get there, it will only be the memories that will finance me.

The notion of Peter Pan, and never growing up is silly. Who would want to be trapped in a single moment, and give up their growth, their advancement, and their movement. Why would anyone wish to be stuck in a single moment? This not only would grow old, but it most importantly would take away from the beauty and value of that moment.

For anything that is taken in obsessive amounts, and abused is no longer appreciated or pleasing. An addict and his addictions is a contradictory diseased being, that we can safely say is self destructive and wishes to remove all meaning. It is safe to indulge in something, even alright to find yourself taking large amounts at a time. But once you have become addicted to anything, you are no longer experiencing the pleasures of that thing, but you are experiencing the pain of its desert.

Right now in my life, i have learned to value and appreciate friends. I enjoy my solitude, my independence and used to fear that having feelings for others was an ultimate destruction to these things that i value. I am still young and learning.

May I spend some time with those of you that i hold close before i depart to england, and may we still keep in communication while i am there, and please don't take a personal hit to my absence when i enter Malaysia and remove internet from my life. Please understand that I must have this pilgrimage before i make the ultimate decision of my life.


Posted by insidethesun13 at 7:55 PM EST

Tuesday, 13 November 2007


Accepting the Apologies that i wish to make to other people. I have found that, it is no longer of importance whether
 or not they receive them, or accept them, what is important is that i accept my apology to them, and move on.

 Life goes on, if a person is no longer in my life, it is simply for the better, and never for the worse.

I miss all of you that have left footsteps on my heart, and scared my arteries, but as long as the blood keeps on circulating,
 those who were meant to be we will meet again, and those who are lard and other toxic matter that clogs arteries and increase
 the risk of heart attack: Saylave.

Anything i Touch becomes Poetry and a story, everything that i perceive is a little less ordinary. Not necessarily the excess word
 fillers or the artichoke hearts that occasional dip themselves in my paragraphs, no its the rhythm, i have found rhythm in
writing.


Posted by insidethesun13 at 4:26 AM EST


The idea that anything is permanent, and the art of clinging to it, is almost as disgusting as a beginners first strokes on a violins bow. Yeah, i guess i lied about writing one last note, sue me, assassinate me, whatever seems more appropriate and necessary..just wait till i have something of significant value before doing so. Right now killing me is a little above killing some average homeless guy on the street, most of the world wouldn't even notice the loss. Sad but true, Sad but TRUE SAD BUT TRUE..Crash, Babel, here are people that make a LIVING off of SAD BUT TRUE SCENARIOS. Dramatized, but real. And what is DRAMATIZED in todays world of school shootings, increased suicide rates, and noose hangings. There is a lot of bullshit in this maze, SO SICK A FUCK..."tell me how does someone suck a fuck"-Donnie Darko. Fusck awsdk naskd asdjaskd aYou!


Posted by insidethesun13 at 4:00 AM EST

Saturday, 10 November 2007


im another level, one that places me like a buoy out in the ocean, an object for eyes to over glance and not think too much about. Appreciated by those that swim to them and use them as markers, hated by those who drive boats and see them as limitations to their freedom on the sea


Posted by insidethesun13 at 8:06 PM EST

Tuesday, 6 November 2007


image
I think i am going to take advantage of being a white, straight, male, in Santa Barbara, California of the United States by standing up for, and promoting equality for people of all races, genders and sexual orientations.

When a minority is standing up for his/her own rights it is one thing, but when a person who has no finical gain stands up for a minority it makes a lasting impression. Not to discredit or discourage any walks of life standing up for their own rights or the rights of another, but just pointing out an educated theory based on observation of the Importance of IMAGE.

Of course, i should probably wait till i have a couple more things going for me, such as the title Wealthy placed in front of white Male, and maybe Well-respected or something to that degree, as well as well-educated.. However at the same time, my image isn't what is important here, equal rights for all is the jugular and why make them wait any longer to be a part of what we take for granted.


Posted by insidethesun13 at 7:36 PM EST

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